ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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