Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
