she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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