He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
