I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
