Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
