Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
