I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
