too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
