well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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