you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
