Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
