"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
