One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
