Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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