I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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