Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
