so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
