your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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