Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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