You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
