i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
