i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
