i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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