im six kinds of drunk right now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
