I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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