I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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