Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
