you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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