He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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