And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
time to smoke my breakfast
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
