So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
