you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
