He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
