Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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