My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
