i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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