god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
