I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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