Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
