I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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