i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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