I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
