So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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