It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
