eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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