Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize