I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
