both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
