its not stalking. its research.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
