I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
tell me about the fingering
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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