if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
