ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this is an emotional support booty call