She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located