put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
