I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.