You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.