Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
