Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world