i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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