I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
