Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i think my cat just said my name.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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