Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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