I want to walk on stilts...naked
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize