I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
