There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
