jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
