turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
